The first bit of advice is lay low while Kathy Griffin is taking all the flack because of her stupid Trump Beheading photo scheme. That should keep you out of the news for months. And the second, first bit of advice is ….
Argh! My eyes!
This calls for a second dose of “Eye Bleach”. Eeewww!
It wasn’t just the very unappetizing idea of turning a horrid vegetable into the fake version of a divine meat that caught my eye. It seemed a symbol of everything that is wrong with modern America, particularly within the sphere of culture and social justice.
We are constantly trying to replace something real and good with a poor facsimile and then expecting the same results.
Eggplant is not bacon. It will never be bacon. You can put salt and syrup and vinegar on it and stick it in the oven for however long it takes to fully cook disgusting vegetables but no matter how hard you try it will still be eggplant when it comes out.