OMG!!

Chiraq – ChiPhone

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Apple is still working to perfect production techniques for their new ChiPhone. Their usual 6 day Chiraq_ChiPhoneInventory Turnover ratio has been slowed considerably by an uptick in Workers Compensation issues occurring with the Product Development Team.  Consequently, Team Leaders are considering a temporary halt in Field Testing.

A senior member of the Team was heard to say that it’s “imperative to bring the Project back into the lab to further refine testing protocols because the mayhem factor is still not under control.”

Here’s a summary of their analysis provided by HeyJackass.com.

Huma’s Weiner…

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…has too much time on his hands.  Or can’t keep his weinie out of the ringer.  Or keeps stepping on his dick.  Carlos Danger, the Mongoose, is the gift that keeps on giving as the New York Post is wont to report, “Anthony Weiner caught in new flirty online chat“.

First he was Carlos Danger. Now — in yet another sexting scandal — he’s a randy “mongoose.”

Anthony_Weiner_Mongoose_CaptureSext fiend Anthony Weiner boasted of his animal prowess — claiming he was “deceptively strong . . . like a mongoose” — and gave his cellphone number to a college student during a flirty, private online chat on a recent trip to Los Angeles, The Post has learned.

But the joke was on the horndog pol, whose wife, Huma Abedin, is a top aide and close confidante of Hillary Clinton.

The target of his online affection was really a dude.

Take the New Hillary Plastic Bag Challenge

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Hillary_Plastic_Bag_Challenge

Obligatory Warning: Kiddies, don’t try this at home. Challenge done by a Professional on a closed course.  Actress portrayal.  All research statistics are blatantly flagrant.  Always wear your seatbelt.  As seen on TV.  Choking hazard, this is a real plastic bag.  Discontinue use if rash develops.   Do not drive with bag stuck on head.  Do not use under coconut trees.  Do not use orally after using rectally.  EPA estimate only.  For entertainment purposes only.  Has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice.  Illustrations are slightly enlarged to show detail.  Many will enter, few will win.  Mental health prohibited.  Mrs. Clinton is a paid endorser.  Not affiliated with any Government agency.  Not to be used as a personal floatation device.  Penalty for early withdrawal.  Reproduction strictly prohibited.  Seek shelter, cover head.  Use with adequate ventilation.  Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.  And finally:

This disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes and other Acts of God, neglect, damage from improper or unauthorized repair, incorrect line voltage, broken antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom vibrations, customer adjustments that are not covered in this joke list, and incidents owing to airplane crash, ship sinking, motor vehicle accidents, dropping the item, falling rocks, leaky roof, broken glass, mud slides, forest fire, or projectile (which can include, but not be limited to, arrows, bullets, shot, BB’s, shrapnel, lasers, napalm, torpedoes, or emissions of X-rays, Alpha, Beta and Gamma rays, knives, sticks and stones, et al.)

thanks, Bob.