The Empire Strikes Back – It’s Warm Inside A Tauntaun
138,000 Kids Suddenly Added To Santa’s Nice List In Middle Of Night
The Babylon Bee–NORTH POLE—Santa Claus’s nice list is said to be run on trustworthy software, safe and secure on an unhackable server under his workshop.
But some are questioning the legitimacy of the nice list after the tally suddenly spiked in the middle of the night, adding over 138,000 kids to the good side of the list.
After sorting kids according to their niceness or naughtiness for hours, Santa had abruptly stopped counting and gone to bed, saying he was tired and taking a break for the night, even though he is magical and does not need to sleep.
**Found at The Babylon Bee so even if one adds the /sarc ‘n/snark tag you can bet the article will get fact checked by the Mainstream Media.
Biden Cuts Hole In Mask So He Can Still Sniff People’s Hair
Babylon Bee—Joe Biden has committed to wearing a mask in public to be a good example and to prevent the spread of COVID-19. Aides were disappointed and a little frightened, however, when Biden immediately cut a large hole in the middle of the mask so he could continue to invade people’s personal space and sniff their hair, necks, and faces.
Staffers usually don’t let Biden play with sharp objects, but he managed to find some safety scissors stashed behind the Metamucil in his campaign bus. Using the purple plastic scissors, he cut a large hole and then fitted the mask to his face, confident that he was protecting himself and others from the virus.
Media Has Shitfit.
**Sort of found here.
Way down in Michigan… Tell Ol’ Whitmer… Let my people go!