Joey Buttarooco Named As Latest Celebrity Groper

That’s probably not the “Long Island Lolita” pictured with old Gropin’ Joey.

Joey Buttarooco, Celebrity Groper, Photographed in the act.

**Kangaroos are often colloquially referred to as “roos”. Male kangaroos are called bucks, boomers, jacks, or old men; females are does, flyers, or jills, and the young ones are joeys. The collective noun for kangaroos is a mob, troop, or court.

Liberal 9th Circuit Blocks Trump Pardons

Thanks to the liberal Judges of the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals, President Trump’s pardon of Drumstick and Wishbone has been reversed. Unless the Trump Department of Justice can convince the Supreme Court to weigh in on the case, Drumstick and Wishbone will be on the table for Christmas Dinner.

**FakeNews Alert

Unilever’s Next Dove Advertising ‘Shit Storm’

Having washed their hands of their last lambasted ‘transitions‘ ad, Unilever-Dove has doubled-down with this new Mooch-Melania transition themed ad.

The story from CNBC, “Dove apologizes after social media users skewer soap ad as racist.”

Personal care brand Dove said a recent marketing campaign “missed the mark in representing women of color thoughtfully,” amid criticism that the advertisements were racially insensitive.

**FakeNews Alert**

Starbucks Commandeers Seattle Domestic Water Supply

Seattle’s third mayor this week is nowhere to be found.  Starbucks chairman, Howard Schultz, was overheard saying that, “If Seattle goes another week without a ‘real’ mayor, we’ll have Puget Sound totally converted to Pumpkin Spice and the salmon will just have to suck it up and deal…”

**FakeNewsAlert**

Maxine Waters Face-prints Sheets

The New York Times reports, “Maxine Waters’ Image Found On ‘Shroud’ at Motel 6.”  Or maybe, not so much.  It was actually sheets that the image was found on, and, upon further inspection, it appears that Ms. Waters’ excessive makeup simply ‘silk-screened’ itself onto the sheet after an overnight of face sleeping.  Experts say that proper personal hygiene could help prevent such transfers in the future.

**FakeNewsAlert**

h/t-Diogenes’ Middle Finger