/sarc ‘n /snark

Breaking News… John Travolta Hospitalized

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John Travolta was hospitalized Saturday for a suspected COVID-19 infection, but doctors now confirm now that it was only a Saturday Night Fever.  They are assuring all of Mr. Travolta’s fan that he will be Staying Alive for the foreseeable future.

Bee Gees – Stayin’ Alive (Saturday Night Fever)

**/sarc ‘n /snark

Corolla Virus Discovered In Chicago

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Washing your car is one of the most important steps of maintaining your vehicle’s health. However, it’s important to take the proper measures.

Wash the salt and debris off of your car every 10 days or less to minimize the effects of salt damage. Don’t forget the underside of your car!

Be sure that your vehicle is dry by the time the freezing nighttime temperatures approach. Consider washing your car earlier in the day when temperatures are above 40 degrees to be safe.

After washing, prevent locks from freezing by opening and closing the doors and trunk several times.

Remember.  If you take these precautions you may be able to avoid the Corolla Virus and help prevent the spread of it in your community.

/sarc ‘n /snark

‘White Privilege’ Is A Drink Best Served Cold

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Starbucks Unveils New White Privilege Latte

The Babylon Bee—The coffee monolith Starbucks is introducing a brand new drink that promises to begin the hard work of ending racism in America. The new “White Privilege Latte” will cost $50 a cup and taste like pure hatred, bigotry, and regret. “This will be the most progressive drink on the market today,” said marketing director at Starbucks, Madeline Kohn.

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Lt. Col. Alexander Semyon Vindman Is Given New Command

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The United States Army announced that Lieutenant Colonel Alexander Semyon Vindman, former Director for European Affairs for the United States National Security Council (NSC), has been reassigned. Among his new responsibilities will be ensuring that all penguins under his command address him properly as Lieutenant Colonel and do not engage in any ‘Quid Pro Quo’ type behavior.

**/sarc ‘n /snark