Daily Darwin – Tannerite For Dummies

Darwin nearly loses his own family jewels as he notes that a refrigerator loaded with tannerite, a properly aimed refrigerator door, and a high powered firearm have the uncanny ability to separate a dummy from his genomes.

Natural selection deems that some individuals serve as a warning to others. Who are we to disagree? The next generation, ever and anon, is descended from the survivors

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Daily Darwin – Darwin’s High Biker Brigade

Darwin chortles a bit as he points out the obvious – the Darwin Biker Brigade member had to have been “high” to have gotten on that tall puppy. He also recommends that you hold on to your own genomes when the rider goes for the dismount.  He doesn’t want you to bust one of your ‘onliest’ nuts laughing at the result of said ‘dismount’.

Natural selection deems that some individuals serve as a warning to others. Who are we to disagree? The next generation, ever and anon, is descended from the survivors

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Daily Darwin – Power FAILure

Darwin’s lesson for today, kiddies, is called “The Path of Least Resistance.” He notes what you will learn is, indeed, shocking. He begins.

Contrary to popular belief, electricity takes all paths available in inverse proportion to the impedance of the paths. The magnitude of the current flowing in a path depends on the path’s voltage and impedance. The lower the impedance (assuming voltage remains constant), the greater the current. Conversely, the higher the impedance (assuming voltage remains constant), the lower the current.

Electrons take all available paths, and one of those paths is your 1000-ohm body.

Read moreDaily Darwin – Power FAILure

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Daily Darwin – Washington State Man Shoots Himself In Balls

Darwin chortles heartily about the dude that shot himself in the ol’ genomes who, by happenstance, was ‘very personally’ carrying  methamphetamine  and marijuana.  That fact, which just happened to slip his mind, until drumroll, please…. the ‘package’ coincidentally slipped out of his anus during surgery. The Wenatchee World reports this shit show, “Trouble snowballs for man who shot himself.”

A convicted felon accidentally shot himself in the genitals last month at an apartment in Cashmere. His problems didn’t stop there.

[Darwin’s red-headed stepchild, who shall remain nameless] had a pistol tucked into his front pocket April 5 when the gun discharged, sending a bullet through his testicles and into his thigh….

As doctors and nurses performed surgery at Central Washington Hospital, a balloon containing marijuana slipped out of his anus, the affidavit said.

Chelan County sheriff’s detectives were notified that Wilson had suffered a gunshot wound and then responded to the hospital. They searched the car and found a bag of methamphetamine inside a pair of blood-stained jeans he’d taken off before entering the hospital.

Natural selection deems that some individuals serve as a warning to others. Who are we to disagree? The next generation, ever and anon, is descended from the survivors

**Should have been a “Florida Man” story.

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Daily Darwin – It’s Never Too Early To Plan Your Fourth Of July Show

Darwin notes that proper show planning usually excludes the part where one’s ‘ownliest’ genomes are bathed in fiery, sparking reactive metals (aluminum or magnesium) causing a burst of very bright light and intense heat – sometimes at temperatures over 5000° F!

Natural selection deems that some individuals serve as a warning to others. Who are we to disagree? The next generation, ever and anon, is descended from the survivors

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Daily Darwin – Genius Says “Nuts” To Trigger Disciple

Darwin is wont to point out that saying “nuts’ to good trigger discipline is most certainly like saying “hasta la vista, baby” to one’s ownliest and precious little genomes.

Natural selection deems that some individuals serve as a warning to others. Who are we to disagree? The next generation, ever and anon, is descended from the survivors

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Daily Darwin – You Can Run But You Can’t Hide From Karma

Darwin notes gleefully the truism that “You can run but you can’t hide from Karma”, especially the fiery, exploding kind. He further notes that this is why you watch a rocket launch from a bunker, rather than a lawn chair on the launching pad.  He also observes that Karma and Schadenfreude are closely related-possibly sisters from another mother.

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Daily Darwin – Skateur Flambé

Ah, yes.  Darwin says.  The old “Skaterboarder Flambé routine.   Darwin’s suggests that to avoid such and occurrence,  keeping one’s precious genomes warm is best accomplished by long johns and a woolly robe than by a ‘splash’ of gasoline and a spark.

Skateboard Flambé or, if you prefer, Skateur Flambé.

Natural selection deems that some individuals serve as a warning to others. Who are we to disagree? The next generation, ever and anon, is descended from the survivors

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Darwin’s Chairlift and Skiing Brigade

Darwin notes with circumspect glee that the only things worse about skiing other than getting up at Zero-dark:30 to pack all of your crap for the skiing trip, are driving through a blizzard on snow-covered, icy roads just to get to even more snow, or the frigid-brrrr!! cold, or the crappy parking in between slush mountains, or the super expensive lift tickets, or the assholes that can actually ski that get all the girls, or all of the people and trees destined to get in your way, or the stupid boots, or that frozen rope of snot hanging from your nose, or the lines for the chairlift, is the actual chairlift ride itself — and that’s an ‘effing bitch.

Natural selection deems that some individuals serve as a warning to others. Who are we to disagree? The next generation, ever and anon, is descended from the survivors

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