Starbucks Unveils New White Privilege Latte
The Babylon Bee—The coffee monolith Starbucks is introducing a brand new drink that promises to begin the hard work of ending racism in America. The new “White Privilege Latte” will cost $50 a cup and taste like pure hatred, bigotry, and regret. “This will be the most progressive drink on the market today,” said marketing director at Starbucks, Madeline Kohn.
The drink will come in a special new bright white cup with the words “SHAME”, “REGRET”, and “DISGRACE” in red stamped across the front of the cup depending on its flavor. The drink will only be sold to those of Caucasian descent in order to combat racism. The cup is designed to maximize the public shame experienced by the person drinking from it. Purchasers will also be taken aside by a barista and lectured for three hours about social progress and then put through a rigorous process of shaming, scolding, and being berated. Finally, the customer will choke back the bitter drink with tears streaming down their faces with their mouth forced shut so that none of the drink may be regurgitated.
**/sarc ‘n /snark