Babylon Bee–Bayer AG, the multinational pharmaceutical corporation, has announced a brand new line of trans-friendly Flintstones vitamins laced with puberty-blocking hormones. To help normalize early childhood transition, the vitamins will be on sale over the counter without restriction.
Flintstones vitamins’ new girl-to-boy chewables will be made of anabolic steroids with vitamins and delicious fruit flavors added in. The vitamins will be completely organic and hormone-free– except, of course, for the synthetic hormones which are the active ingredient.
Other Puberty Blocking ‘Strateries’
**/sarc ‘n /snark
Ronald Crump and the Babylon Bee want to know?
Citizen Free Press–Aunt Jemima is making her last batch of pancakes.
Quaker Oats said Tuesday that its Aunt Jemima brand pancake mix and syrup will be renamed Pearl Milling Company. Aunt Jemima products will continue to be sold until June, when the packaging will officially change over.
Quaker Oats, a division of PepsiCo Inc., had announced last June that it would retire the Aunt Jemima brand, saying the character’s origins are “based on a racial stereotype.” A former slave, Nancy Green, became the first face of the pancake products in 1890.
Goodbye Aunt Jemima. We barely got to know ye.
In Effort To Appeal To Socialists, Mike Lindell Introduces ‘OurPillow’
The Babylon Bee–Mike Lindell, more commonly known as the “MyPillow Guy,” is making headlines once again with his newest line of pillows. MyPillow is now targeting the socialist demographic with the release of OurPillow.
“MyPillow did really well in the Trump era, but now with a new administration, it’s time to try out OurPillow, my comrades!” said an exuberant Mike Lindell. “And we are proud to announce that we are transitioning to overseas factories so every OurPillow will be made 100% in the communist utopia of China!”
**/sarc ‘n /snark