Oregon Police Are Begging People to Stop Calling 911 If They Run Out of Toilet Paper
Darwin is truly hard at work during this “Great Coronavirus Hunkerdown”.
The Gateway Pundit – It’s hard to believe that we even have to post this. Do not call 9-1-1 just because you ran out of toilet paper. You will survive without our assistance,” Newport Oregon Police said in a Facebook post.
The police had some fun and offered residents alternatives to toilet paper if they were to run out.
“In fact, history offers many other options for you in your time of need if you cannot find a roll of your favorite soft, ultra plush two-ply citrus scented tissue,” the police said.
“Seamen used old rope and anchor lines soaked in salt water. Ancient Romans used a sea sponge on a stick, also soaked in salt water. We are a coastal town. We have an abundance of salt water available. Sea shells were also used.”
Buried inside a mountain in Norway’s Svalbard archipelago, the Global Seed Vault — often referred to as the doomsday seed vault — stores back-up seeds for every one of humanity’s food crops and essentials. Heh.
The Chinese Coronavirus is here, but will it be Epic, or not so much…? Stay tuned.
Wait a minute!! Apocalypse, not Alpacalypse…
The CDC notes that this new approach to explaining proper ‘Handwashing Procedures’ is their most effective effort yet. The Director remarked, “Everyone knows how hard it is to remove the ‘liberal’ from a Democrat, so it was just natural to extend that to the effort needed to root out the Chinese Coronavirus.”