Chiraq – Happy Belated Father’s Day

The two things Chiraq ‘Baby Daddies”  will run from – Child Support and a Drive by Shooting.

Chiraq Murder Stats by


Chiraq No Go Zone

What’s the chance that Chicago will get any safer after these comments from the Cook County State’s Attorney, Kim Foxx, and her cohorts?  Maybe not so much.  The Chicago Tribune reports, “Chicago’s police union is ‘the sworn enemy of black people,’ Rep. Bobby Rush says after protest of Jussie Smollett case.

After a week of heated protests and calls for her resignation, Cook County State’s Attorney Kim Foxx and African-American leaders condemned Chicago’s police union and defended how the prosecutor’s office addressed an actor’s alleged hate crime hoax.

Foxx vowed to remain at her post during a Saturday news conference, despite intense controversy sparked in March when her office dropped a 16-count indictment that accused television actor Jussie Smollett of orchestrating a racist and homophobic attack on himself to advance his career.



Snoop Dogg R.I.P. – Hang Up Those SoCal 90’s

Bashing Trump won’t make the Dogg any more relevant than his Adidas SoCal 90’s footwear.  Snoop.  Why don’t you just Fade Away and Party Like It’s 1999, instead of giving black and brown people more excuses to murder each other?

Chicago Murders courtesy of


Chiraq – New School Vending Machines

Forget the candy and the snacks and the soda pop. This vending machine dispenses what you really need to make it through the day in Chicago.  Some Easter weekend murder stats from HeyJackass!

For whatever reason, Easter weekend tends to be a shitshow with or without last year’s “Thou Shalt Not Murder” Easter Sunday.

Final Stupidity Tally: 2 killed, 44 wounded
2016 weekend tally: 3 killed, 33 wounded
2015 weekend tally: 6 killed, 31 wounded
2014 weekend tally: 10 killed, 36 wounded


A Nostalgic Polar Vortex Christmas Scene

The Chicago Tribune reports, “As subzero cold hits, wind chill advisory for Wednesday night, Thursday morning“.

With overnight temperatures dropping well below zero, the National Weather

Service has issued a wind chill advisory for Wednesday night through Thursday morning.

The advisory is in effect from 9 p.m. Wednesday until 10 a.m. Thursday. The weather service said wind chills could reach minus 30 in some areas. It warned people could suffer frostbite in as little as 30 minutes.

One happy corollary, the sub-freezing temperatures slow Chiraq’s murder rate down a bit. Once the sun comes out, and things warm up again…maybe not so much.

Chiraq Murder stats –


Chiraq – October Surprise

Good Morning, Chiraq!!!  From CBS2, “Chicago Soars Past 600 Homicides After Bloody October“.

With 78 homicides, October was the second deadliest month of 2016, and Chicago surpassed 600 homicides for the first time in more than a decade.

chiraq_oct2016_shooting_trend_hjThe last time Chicago had at least 600 homicides in a single year was 2003.

Homicides and non-fatal shootings have skyrocketed in 2016, with 605 homicides and more than 3,600 shooting victims through the end of October.

In October, there were 78 homicides and 427 shooting victims. Only August had more homicides, when 90 people were slain in Chicago. It was the bloodiest month in the city in 20 years.


Final October Totals Year to Date
Shot & Killed: 73 Shot & Killed: 585
Shot & Wounded: 348 Shot & Wounded: 3117
Total Shot: 421 Total Shot: 3702
Total Homicides: 79 Total Homicides: 654

**Hey Jackass – Illustrating Chicago Values


Chiraq – ChiPhone

Apple is still working to perfect production techniques for their new ChiPhone. Their usual 6 day Chiraq_ChiPhoneInventory Turnover ratio has been slowed considerably by an uptick in Workers Compensation issues occurring with the Product Development Team.  Consequently, Team Leaders are considering a temporary halt in Field Testing.

A senior member of the Team was heard to say that it’s “imperative to bring the Project back into the lab to further refine testing protocols because the mayhem factor is still not under control.”

Here’s a summary of their analysis provided by


Low Hanging Fruit

Obama has been firing blanks in an attempt to solve the nation’s supposed gun violence problem.  After spending all of this time, energy, political capital, and “tears”, the only answer he found was taking everyone’s right to own a firearm away. You might say that his solution has been like “looking for love in all the wrong liberal places”.

The statistically logical solution has been staring him in the face–right from his own home town, Chicago.  Only 2 simple steps are required to eliminate over 96 per cent of all Chicago firearm homicides:

  • Ban all Blacks from having firearms (an 80.2o% solution) and
  • Ban all Hispanics from having firearms (the remaining 16.10% of the low hanging fruit).

He could be a real “Liberal ” hero by following that simple approach.  The rest of the population if left alone will figure out a solution to the remaining 3.70% without infringing on anyone’s Second Amendment rights.

Chicago’s 2015 Gun Violence Summary from “Hey Jackass!! ”


Hey. Don’t blame me for suggesting something as equally ridiculous as what Obama did. My solution, however, would work better than his and that’s a 96 per cent certainty.