Daily Darwin – Social Justice Warrior Flambes Genomes

Darwin duly notes that SJW’s tend not to be the ‘brightest candles on the cake’.  He points out that this genius was a ‘few clowns short of a circus’ when he decided throwing a flaming bottle of flammables was a good idea.   One could say the SJW’s ‘logs were ablaze but the chimney was clogged’. And furthermore, Darwin says noting the cracking sounds of genomes roasting, this Social Justice Warrior was definitely ‘a few burgers short of a barbecue’.

Darwin theorizes that most of these SJW Rocket Scientists are ‘all booster and no payload’.  He says most of them ‘couldn’t hit a target with an atomic bomb’ or much less ‘blow their noses even if brains were dynamite’.  As for the genome question itself, Darwin hypothesizes that this SJW shish kebab’s ‘brother was an only child’.

Natural selection deems that some individuals serve as a warning to others. Who are we to disagree? The next generation, ever and anon, is descended from the survivors

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Daily Darwin – Kickboxing Before Coffee

Darwin is never surprised by the number of genomes that end up being crushed by coffee deprived morning kickboxers. He again, restates the rules for a.m. kickboxing. Make sure you are fully awake and in charge of your senses. Have your coffee. By all means, go down stairs for your bout. And finally, make sure your target is something softer, more padded, and less breakable than your ownlinest bare, naked foot.

Natural selection deems that some individuals serve as a warning to others. Who are we to disagree? The next generation, ever and anon, is descended from the survivors

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Daily Darwin – The House That Darwin Built

Darwin reports that any fool with the cajones to make it to the third floor and back to ground zero, err…the ground floor successfully, will be awarded the ‘Golden Nuggets Award’ to memorialize their genomes as the most fortunate on the planet.

Natural selection deems that some individuals serve as a warning to others. Who are we to disagree? The next generation, ever and anon, is descended from the survivors

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Daily Darwin – Vying For ‘Numbnut’ of the Year Award

Darwin points out that although the little balloon retriever’s genomes could be somewhat at risk, it’s Dad’s still immature genomes that are truly in harm’s way. Darwin guarantees, with utmost certainty, that as soon as Mom gets home and sees the Facebook video Dad posted about his day with Jr., Dad’s genomes will be residing in the back of his throat. Ack!! Urp!! Gluck!!

Natural selection deems that some individuals serve as a warning to others. Who are we to disagree? The next generation, ever and anon, is descended from the survivors

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Daily Darwin – Human ‘Hindenberg Disaster’

Darwin winces as he points out that genomes, ‘gas bags’, and an ignition source do not make for good companions.  Oh, the humanity….

Natural selection deems that some individuals serve as a warning to others. Who are we to disagree? The next generation, ever and anon, is descended from the survivors

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Daily Darwin – Playing Genome Fetch

Darwin in quick to point out that when one is training one’s dog to fetch balls, one should clearly distinguish the difference between genomes and balls, emphasizing that genomes are neither to be fetched or chewed upon.  “Goo boy, Nigel…”

Natural selection deems that some individuals serve as a warning to others. Who are we to disagree? The next generation, ever and anon, is descended from the survivors

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Daily Darwin – Toasted Nuts Special

Darwin scratches his head and wonders how this whole vaping thing exploded (heh) onto the scene.  He points out that ‘fruity flavors’ and aromas only go so far because the minute the vapee smells that “Toasted Nuts and Curly Hairs” Special emanated from his onliest drawers he’s gonna be so done with the vapors.

Natural selection deems that some individuals serve as a warning to others. Who are we to disagree? The next generation, ever and anon, is descended from the survivors

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Here’s your Lynyrd Skynyrd bonus – “That Smell”

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Daily Darwin – Never Mix a Skateboard With a Bicycle

Darwin is always quick to point out that both skateboards and bicycles are hard on the old genomes, but when you mix the two an unfortunate ‘genomic dislocation’ is sure to occur.

Natural selection deems that some individuals serve as a warning to others. Who are we to disagree? The next generation, ever and anon, is descended from the survivors

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Daily Darwin – Advice to Coffee Drinkers

Darwin’s not sure whether this advice is for ‘coffee drinkers’ or for ‘ski jumpers’.  He thinks it probably cuts the old genome both ways.  Darwin recommends that one’s genomes will be most happy if one has his morning coffee prior to ski jumping.  This finishing the morning coffee, though, still has him perplexed.

Natural selection deems that some individuals serve as a warning to others. Who are we to disagree? The next generation, ever and anon, is descended from the survivors

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Daily Darwin – Little Princesses Shouldn’t Play With Fire

Darwin hypothesizes that the eyelash genome was not made to mingle with fire of any sort.  The proof of his hypothesis follows.  Enjoy.

Natural selection deems that some individuals serve as a warning to others. Who are we to disagree? The next generation, ever and anon, is descended from the survivors

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Daily Darwin – Whose Genome Gets Gored?

Darwin states that he paraphrased the old adage a bit.  “It depends upon whose ox gets gored” gets this substitution , “At a rodeo, it depends upon the row in which you sit as to whether your genome gets gored.”  So whose genome gets gored?  Why the dufus in the first row, of course.

Natural selection deems that some individuals serve as a warning to others. Who are we to disagree? The next generation, ever and anon, is descended from the survivors

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Daily Darwin – Alien Mowing Man

Darwin is amazed that the adventure just keeps getting better and better for the “Tornado Mowing Man“.  His pair of ‘genomenus hugeness’ has now taken on the Martian Invaders in a “War of the Worlds” style beat down….err, mow down.

Natural selection deems that some individuals serve as a warning to others. Who are we to disagree? The next generation, ever and anon, is descended from the survivors

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Daily Darwin – Tornado Mowing Man

Darwin states that this pair of genomes is destined for the record book of ‘genomenus hugeness’.

In honor of this Daily Darwin Recipient, Darwin, his ownself, has launched a new category of craziness, the “What?  Me Worry?  Survival Award”.

From the Times Colonist, “Man who mowed lawn with tornado behind him says he ‘was keeping an eye on it’“.

Cecilia Wessels snapped the picture of her husband, Theunis, on Friday evening as the twister passed near their home in Three Hills. She said cutting the grass was on her husband’s to-do list, and as he started the task, she went for a nap.

Wessels said she was woken by her nine-year-old daughter who was upset that there was something like a tornado in the sky, but her father wouldn’t come inside. Theunis Wessels said the tornado was actually much further away than it appears in the photo, and that it was moving away from them.

There have been no reports of injuries from the tornado, although some other photos show downed trees and a barn with its roof ripped off.

Natural selection deems that some individuals serve as a warning to others. Who are we to disagree? The next generation, ever and anon, is descended from the survivors

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