Darwin Awards

Daily Darwin – How To Launch a Human Nutsack

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Darwin rolls on the floor laughing his ass off as he sagely observes that if one has so little respect for his ‘onliest’ genomes as to allow a pickup truck (a big pickup truck, at that) to kick him in his very own nutsack (err…personal genome protection device) he really, really deserves to have those rather dim-witted genomes to be cleansed from humanity’s ‘ownliest’ gene pool.

Natural selection deems that some individuals serve as a warning to others. Who are we to disagree? The next generation, ever and anon, is descended from the survivors

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Daily Darwin – Darwin’s Grinder Boys

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Darwin notes with utmost glee that exposing one’s ‘onliest’ genomes to showers of molten metal sparks probably insures that one’s own personal contribution to the gene pool will indeed be cleansed.

Natural selection deems that some individuals serve as a warning to others. Who are we to disagree? The next generation, ever and anon, is descended from the survivors

Despicable_Minions_300x136_animated

Daily Darwin – Darwin’s Weatherman

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Darwin is wont to point out to any would be Meteorologists doing live standup ‘remote weather broadcasts‘ is that one must always protect one’s ‘onliest’ genomes at all times.  Here’s an example of how not to protect the old genomes from snow.  And snow plows.  Heh.  Darwin says he never gets tired of watching stupidity cleansed from the gene pool.

Natural selection deems that some individuals serve as a warning to others. Who are we to disagree? The next generation, ever and anon, is descended from the survivors

Despicable_Minions_300x136_animated

Daily Darwin – Genius Jousters

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Darwin hilariously observes that the genomes of these genius jousters are most certainly larger than their inadequately sized brains.  Which, unfortunately for those self-same genomes, may no longer be true as it is a fact that one’s genomes never retain their original size after a confrontation with a high speed moving object.

Natural selection deems that some individuals serve as a warning to others. Who are we to disagree? The next generation, ever and anon, is descended from the survivors

Despicable_Minions_300x136_animated

Daily Darwin – Kickboxing Before Coffee

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Darwin is never surprised by the number of genomes that end up being crushed by coffee deprived morning kickboxers. He again, restates the rules for a.m. kickboxing. Make sure you are fully awake and in charge of your senses. Have your coffee. By all means, go down stairs for your bout. And finally, make sure your target is something softer, more padded, and less breakable than your ownlinest bare, naked foot.

Natural selection deems that some individuals serve as a warning to others. Who are we to disagree? The next generation, ever and anon, is descended from the survivors

Despicable_Minions_300x136_animated

Daily Darwin – Darwin’s Shovel Patrol

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Darwin is quick to point out that when one intends a ‘practical joke’ to harm another one’s family genomes, quite often a reverse-reciprocating effect is experienced, provided great joy to all onlookers.

Natural selection deems that some individuals serve as a warning to others. Who are we to disagree? The next generation, ever and anon, is descended from the survivors

Despicable_Minions_300x136_animated

Daily Darwin – The House That Darwin Built

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Darwin reports that any fool with the cajones to make it to the third floor and back to ground zero, err…the ground floor successfully, will be awarded the ‘Golden Nuggets Award’ to memorialize their genomes as the most fortunate on the planet.

Natural selection deems that some individuals serve as a warning to others. Who are we to disagree? The next generation, ever and anon, is descended from the survivors

Despicable_Minions_300x136_animated