Daily Darwin – Hot Dog Bandit Shoots Self In His Junk

Darwin says there is something about a hot dog stand robbery gone awry that warms the cockles of his heart.  See the Breitbart report, “Suspect Robs Chicago Hot Dog Stand, Accidentally Shoots Self in Penis“.  Ouch!!

Darwin, still wincing after visualizating the havoc a bullet would render upon ones ‘ownliest’ genomes, stated for the record, “That Home Boy really knows how to chlorinate a genome pool.”

“Shot in the Junk-O-Meter” courtesy of HeyJackass.com

Natural selection deems that some individuals serve as a warning to others. Who are we to disagree? The next generation, ever and anon, is descended from the survivors


Donald “LBJ” Trump – Junkster

The Daily Caller can write a headline, “Donald Trump Clarifies The Size Of His Junk On National TV“.

Donald Trump made sure to clarify that his hands are not small and neither is his penis on national TV.

During Thursday night’s Republican debate on Fox News, Trump said, “I guarantee you there’s no problem” with the “something else” that “must be LBJ_Jumbosmall.”

“And as far as — and I have to say this, I have to say this. [Rubio] hit my hands. Nobody has ever hit my hands. I have never heard of this one. Look at those hands. Are they small hands? And he referred to my hands if they are small, something else must be small. I guarantee you there’s no problem. I guarantee you,” Trump insisted.

For all you Liberal Democrats aghast at the thought of the junk in the Trumpster’s trunk, remember fondly your own Lyndon “Jumbo” Johnson, 36th President of the United States.

From an excerpt of Robert Caro’s biography, via the New York Review of Books:

He [Johnson] early became fabled for a Rabelaisian earthiness, urinating in the parking lot of the House Office Building as the urge took him; if a colleague came into a Capitol bathroom as he was finishing at the urinal there, he would sometimes swing around still holding his member, which he liked to call “Jumbo,” hooting once, “Have you ever seen anything as big as this?,” and shaking it in almost a brandishing manner as he began discoursing about some pending legislation.

Quote snatched from The Gawker, “LBJ Was Obsessed With His Dick