My New Low Cost Home Security System

It’s even more effective than Mr. Smith and Mr. Wesson or Mr. O.F. Mossberg’s systems. Wait for it….

I took down my Rebel flag (which you can’t buy on EBAY any more) and peeled the NRA sticker off my front window.

NSA_Listening_Booth
NSA Listening Booth

I disconnected my home alarm system and quit the candy-ass Neighborhood Watch.

I bought two Pakistani flags and put one at each corner of the front yard. Then I purchased the black flag of ISIS (which you CAN buy on EBAY) and ran it up the flag pole.

Now the local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching my house 24/7. I’ve NEVER felt safer and I’m saving $69.95 a month that ADT used to charge me.

Plus, I bought burkas for my wife and me to wear when we shop or travel. Everyone moves out of the way and security can’t pat us down.  If they say I’m a male wearing a burka, I just say I’m feeling like a woman today.

Hot Damn — Safe at last — Ain’t America great or what?

And just to cover all of my bases, I’ve contracted with some of my local Garden Gnomes to provide some additional perimeter security.  Meet the Home Guard.

 

Thanks to Sgt. Axeman for making my day.

Girls with Guns Meet Colonel Sanders

Which came first?  The Chicken or the AR-15?  Wait. That was supposed to be, “Why did the AR-15 cross the road?”

Guns_GWG_Colonel_Sanders

**Answer to “Why did the AR-15 cross the road?” To gather the game it shot from about 200 yards on the other side of the road.

***No crap please about shooting across a road–it was a tasteless joke.

****Well maybe not tasteless, ’cause it “tastes like CHICKEN!!” (drumroll)

Who Dresses This Woman, Hillary Clinton?

The resemblance is uncanny. The only difference is body count.  According to The Independent, “Mao’s Great Leap Forward ‘killed 45 million in four years’“.  How many bodies could Hillary rack up if given four years?

Mao Zedong, founder of the People’s Republic of China, qualifies as the greatest mass murderer in world history, an expert who had unprecedented Hillary_Mao_Suit_01access to official Communist Party archives said yesterday.

Speaking at The Independent Woodstock Literary Festival, Frank Dikötter, a Hong Kong-based historian, said he found that during the time that Mao was enforcing the Great Leap Forward in 1958, in an effort to catch up with the economy of the Western world, he was responsible for overseeing “one of the worst catastrophes the world has ever known”.

Mr Dikötter, who has been studying Chinese rural history from 1958 to 1962, when the nation was facing a famine, compared the systematic torture, brutality, starvation and killing of Chinese peasants to the Second World War in its magnitude. At least 45 million people were worked, starved or beaten to death in China over these four years; the worldwide death toll of the Second World War was 55 million.