I took down my Rebel flag (which you can’t buy on EBAY any more) and peeled the NRA sticker off my front window.
NSA Listening Booth
I disconnected my home alarm system and quit the candy-ass Neighborhood Watch.
I bought two Pakistani flags and put one at each corner of the front yard. Then I purchased the black flag of ISIS (which you CAN buy on EBAY) and ran it up the flag pole.
Now the local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching my house 24/7. I’ve NEVER felt safer and I’m saving $69.95 a month that ADT used to charge me.
Plus, I bought burkas for my wife and me to wear when we shop or travel. Everyone moves out of the way and security can’t pat us down. If they say I’m a male wearing a burka, I just say I’m feeling like a woman today.
Hot Damn — Safe at last — Ain’t America great or what?
And just to cover all of my bases, I’ve contracted with some of my local Garden Gnomes to provide some additional perimeter security. Meet the Home Guard.
Mao Zedong, founder of the People’s Republic of China, qualifies as the greatest mass murderer in world history, an expert who had unprecedented access to official Communist Party archives said yesterday.
Speaking at The Independent Woodstock Literary Festival, Frank Dikötter, a Hong Kong-based historian, said he found that during the time that Mao was enforcing the Great Leap Forward in 1958, in an effort to catch up with the economy of the Western world, he was responsible for overseeing “one of the worst catastrophes the world has ever known”.
Mr Dikötter, who has been studying Chinese rural history from 1958 to 1962, when the nation was facing a famine, compared the systematic torture, brutality, starvation and killing of Chinese peasants to the Second World War in its magnitude. At least 45 million people were worked, starved or beaten to death in China over these four years; the worldwide death toll of the Second World War was 55 million.
Remember. If you play (or lay) with hound dogs, you’re bound to get fleas and ticks. Case in point– meet Hillary (the Tick) and Bill (the Flea) Clinton.
I got the perfect Defense now. Comey, your my new BFF (Best FBI Friend).
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